Hallelujah!

So, you guys must have really been praying for me after my last two pitiful posts, because...

1) I had two precious friends bring my family dinner this week--and the food was awesome! Thank you April and Rebekah!

2) I was able to stand on my feet at 10:30 at night for an hour and clean my kitchen on Monday night!

3) My mom drove up last night to help me while Scott is on a business trip to Dallas this week. She has already cleaned half of my house, done four loads of laundry, and played with my kids.

4) I went to the doctor this morning and had lost 4 pounds since my appointment last week!!!! Hallelujah! I must have been retaining some serious water last week. So, I've only gained 49 pounds, instead of 53! I never thought I would be so excited about gaining 49 pounds! :)

Doctor update: She detected protein in my urine for the first time this week and I'm having quite a bit of swelling (both symptoms of Pre-eclampsia). Because I had Eclampsia with seizures during Titus' birth and it is a miracle that he and I survived it, she did further testing before I left and will be watching it very closely. My blood pressure is fine, so it may be nothing. She did say, however, that there is a possibility that we will talk about inducing early because of that and the fact that I have such large babies. We'll just watch it closely over the next few weeks and go from there.

Oh! She also said that our baby girl has moved herself all the way around and is now engaged in a good position for birth!

Hooray!

People Say The Funniest Things!

So, I bumped into a neighbor yesterday whose children are grown. She said to me, "ASHLEY! When is that baby due?!?! I saw you trying to walk Justus in the stroller yesterday (refer to the post below) and you looked HORRIBLE! I felt so sorry for you!"

I just started laughing so hard! "Well, I felt horrible, but I thought I was hiding it better than that!" :)

"Are you due any day?" she asked hopefully.

"I'm actually not due for another month. September 16," I smiled.

"You are kidding! Are you having twins?"

Hmmm. Seems like I've heard that before. :)

Let's Be Real

Let's be real. I'm almost 36 weeks pregnant and I'm miserable. It almost feels like a sin to write that, but it is true. I'm typically able to see the positive angle and put a smile on, no matter how difficult things are. Not these days. I really just want to crawl in bed and avoid people...and standing up. (Any of you who know me remotely well know how odd this is.)

This pregnancy has been so different from my other three. I typically enjoy being pregnant (until the last 2-3 weeks). This one has been very difficult. My iron levels have been low, leaving me with unusual fatigue. I've already gained 50 pounds and I still have four weeks to go. I have no idea why. I've never gained more than 42 pounds and that was when Titus arrived 13 days past his due date. My profile seriously looks like I have a watermelon attached to the front of me. Not a basketball--a watermelon. Everywhere I go, people stare and ask if I was due last week or if I'm carrying twins. I feel pretty good when I first wake up, but my body is done after about 2-3 hours. Then everything begins to hurt and swell. Seriously. By about 10 a.m., I'm wondering if it is almost bedtime. I feel like I am living in a stranger's body.

There are toys, clothes, and shoes strewn all over my house. Six loads of laundry are waiting for me in the bathroom. There are dirty dishes in the sink from dinner. Yesterday's dinner. I haven't made a "real" dinner in well over a month and I'm starved for one. (I'm so thankful for a husband who will say, "It's okay. Let's just go out to eat." or "I'll just grill some hamburgers." or "We can just eat turkey sandwiches.) And the thought of it makes me cry.

I tried to take my kids to the park this morning, but ended up on the bench watching them play. It hurt too much to stand for long. So, I asked Titus if he would help and push his little brother. I'm so thankful for a son who would happily stop his game and run over to push his baby brother in the swing. I'm a blessed momma. And that makes me cry, too.

Then we came home and I let my kids watch too much TV while I napped and rested my back and legs. (I am typically NOT a napper!)

My baby, who is really not a baby anymore, woke up from his nap grumpy and crying about everything and nothing (like his pregnant momma). I tried to take him for a walk (more of a waddle) around the block (the BLOCK, not the neighborhood) to distract him from his grumpiness and had to stop four times to catch my breath! Part of this was due to the Braxton Hicks contractions I kept having, I'm sure.

At bedtime, Titus asked me to read two more chapters in our book and I just couldn't do it tonight. I asked him if he would mind reading to himself in his bed. He was very disappointed, but he did it, and writing that makes me cry all over again.

When I prayed with Audra, she smothered The Belly and me with affection and giggles. I tucked in my sweet babies, who love me so unconditionally, and then collapsed into my chair and cried big, indulgent pregnant tears. Tears that cried out, "I feel so miserable. How can I do this every day for another month? I can't even function." Tears that cried out for my neglected home and children. Tears that expose my feelings of being unable to be a good mother right now.

And then I remembered something.

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18

And I remembered something else:

"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10

And one more thing:

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship." Romans 12:1


And the powerful Truth of that brings me peace...and purpose.