I received an unexpected email from a friend this morning asking if I would be a prayer cover for her. There is something new, exciting, and yet scary that God has asked her to do. This was my equally unexpected (to me) reply:
I feel privileged that God would choose me.
I began praying this morning, "Lord, give _____ favor."
Then the immediate reaction: "No, that's not right. The girl couldn't have more gifting...What is it, Lord?"
Scrub some oatmeal. Wipe a nose. Hush an unkind word.
"God, keep giving her things that are FRESH...that draw others into a FRESH REVELATION of you...deeper intimacy...longing for more...unexpected...humor...freedom..."
Then I realized how hungry I am for that. I was IMing (or whatever you call it) Kara Laney on Facebook last night and through our conversation realized how sad I've been that lately I've settled into a blah, distant, unaffected place with God. In all my church-going, bible study-leading, home school teaching busyness I didn't even realize it. I felt distant, like a spectator. I went to bed grieving. Like you grieve when you watch your first love with his new girlfriend. Unexpected tears pierced my eyelashes and I felt defeated--too busy to fight to win him back. Resenting the busyness, but defeated in the necessity of it.
I know it's not the end. I've yet to fight. And I'm a fighter.
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5 comments:
Good Stuff Ashley...I can relate.
ashley shaver, i love you and you ARE a fighter. you have yet to scratch the surface of all God is going to do and show you through your season. it's excruciating and yet so sweet to know He never changes. thank you for your heart, i am praying and fighting with you, standing and believing for new revelation, for God to redeem the broken places deep in your heart no one sees but Him, and no one knows but you. you are His beloved.
i love you.
All stay at home moms can relate. The truth is that His promise is that He will draw near to us when we draw near to Him. You must simply re-attach yourself to the vine. I say simply because He never changes and His arms are waiting for you. He will be with you in your kingdom work of being a MOM because He called you for that very purpose right now in your life.
I love you.
Ashley, girl, how I've been there time and time again. Asking myself, Lord, how did I get here again? Then one night at a prayer event at church, the lyrics of a song broke my heart (in a good soul-searching way). The lyrics said "The more I seek you, the more I find you. The more I find you, the more I love you. I want to sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hand, lay back against you and breathe, feel your heartbeat. This love is so deep, it's more than I can bear, I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming"
The peace, rest, and intimacy that this song expressed is where I want to be (and stay). Almost daily I listen to this song (The More I Seek You by Kari Jobe) to prepare my heart for a sweet time with my lord. I love the mental picture this song creates of just sitting and resting with the Lord. Anyway, here's the link to her website http://www.karijobe.com/index2.php (go to the bottom and click on "music" or just do a youtube search!) I hope it ministers to your heart too!
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