Sometimes Life is Hard

I'm an optimist by nature. So, after I finished my post about our Florida vacation, I thought to myself, "I don't want to give the false perception on my blog that my life is always 'picture perfect' or uncomplicated, because it's not." In general, this is probably my favorite stage of my life so far. My husband has a good job. I am enamoured with my God and feel very fulfilled as a mother. Sometimes, however, life is hard.

I thought of the worship song we sang at church on Sunday and how the first time I heard it I was going through such a devastating time in my life that I stood, lifted my hands up to God, and sobbed. Tears and snot all over my face sobbed. Here are the words:

Blessed Be Your Name by Matt Redman- - -

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

Here is Tree 63's version of it, if you'd like to hear it. I like Matt Redman's the best, though.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mZH9T9XNVU&feature=related

Today gave me a great opportunity to blog about reality. A few weeks ago I began to suspect that our air conditioner wasn't working properly. The house was cooling, but not down to the temperature where we set it. It hadn't been a problem until last week when Spring became Summer overnight. I called an A/C company to take a look at it. The bottom line is that the coil has a leak and it is CRAZY EXPENSIVE to fix it..and there is no warranty. The other even MORE CRAZY EXPENSIVE option is to replace the system with a 5-year warranty. He told me to turn my A/C off so freon wouldn't be leaking into the air of our house. We decided to cope with no A/C for a few days or weeks until we decided what to do. That is, until our house started heating up to 86 degrees with 95% humidity in the afternoons this weekend. Hot, humid house=grumpy mommy=grumpy family.

We had to move our going-away party for Cari & DJ to the community pool building, because our house felt like a sauna. It turned out fine. The kids had a good time swimming and I didn't have to clean up my house before AND after the party. I came home after the party and started to wash the nine loads of laundry that had been piling up. (Hot, humid house=unmotivated mommy.) During the first load, the washer started making a horrible noise. I jumped up to check on it and the agitator looked like it was having a seizure. GREAT! Thankfully, it was during the rinse cycle and I was able to switch it over to spin and then dry it. I tried running water only through the washer and it did the same thing.

I called someone first thing this morning to come look at it, but they can't come until "between 8 and 5" tomorrow and we are suppose to leave tomorrow afternoon for Dallas. So, I had the brilliant idea to "put on my big girl panties" and load up my three children, 8 bags of laundry, a stack of books, and go to a laundry mat. (Read: this was NOT a brilliant idea.) I thought to myself, "At least I can get 8 loads of laundry done in 2 hours."

At first, my kids were very entertained by pretending to play the video games and rolling the laundry carts around. I was pretty frazzled trying to carry everything in and then spray stains and load washers while trying to keep an eye on my children exploring rows of washers and dryers. (FYI...laundry mats are not located in the best part of town.) I was spraying the stains on load #4 when Audra began asking to go to the bathroom.

She loves to try out the bathroom of any new place, so I didn't believe her and told her to hold it. A few minutes later she asked again. Uggghhhh! I can't send her by herself into the bathroom of a laundry mat, but I also can't go with her and leave Titus and Justus unattended! I checked out the bathroom and discovered that it was a personal one. So, I let Audra go in by herself and I stood outside the door where I could also watch the boys. Then, Audra came to the door and said, "Mommy, there's pee-pee on the floor."

I looked in. Aaahh!!!!! My well potty-trained child had peed all over the floor RIGHT NEXT TO THE POTTY! You have got to be kidding me! "Audra," I asked trying to stay reasonably calm, "Why would you pee-pee on the floor when you are standing RIGHT NEXT TO THE POTTY?!?!"

"i don't know."

FYI...laundry mats also use cheap paper towels that have no absorbency. So, Audra and I sat there moving her pee around the floor with cheap paper towels while I tried to keep Justus from dancing in it! I went to ask the attendant if she had better paper towels up front that I could use. She gave me some and returned a few minutes later with a mop.

"Wow," she commented, "Thank you so much for cleaning that up. Most people would just leave it there."

What? Leave their child's pee all over a bathroom floor? What people!?!? (But I didn't say that out loud.)

About that time, I got a whiff of Justus' diaper. So, I went out to my car to get his diaper bag. It wasn't there. NO!!!!!! I had taken it in the house last night when I cleaned out my car. I had no way to change his poopy diaper and I had four loads of laundry in washers and four more to go...and I couldn't leave.

Skills. Those are some parenting skills right there.

I tried to call Scott for reinforcements or at least to bring me the diaper bag, but I couldn't reach him. So, my poor baby waddled around in a leaking poopy diaper for an hour and a half. Titus laid on the couch watching cartoons that I'm sure I would not have let him watch at home. (Can I just say that just because something is a cartoon, that does not mean it is appropriate for children?) Audra made friends with whoever would talk to her (then introduced me so I could be their friend, too) and pretended to go shopping with her laundry cart. I never sat down. Why did I bring books?

What I thought would take 2 hours turned into 4 hours (four hours seems much faster when you type it than when you live it)...with 3 children...in a laundry mat...but it DID have air conditioning! Every piece of clothing had been sprayed, loaded, washed, dried, then hung or folded. It was finally time to go home. Titus, Audra, and I were each pushing a cart (with hanging clothes on the bar above and folded clothes below in a basket) out to the minivan. The two kids were in front of me on the sidewalk. Titus was having trouble steering his cart and I had to jump out to save the cart from falling off of the sidewalk. I quickly instructed Audra to stand up against the wall with her cart and I lowered Titus' cart down the edge of the sidewalk and rolled it over to the minivan. Then I heard Audra scream.

Audra had decided to push her cart towards my mini-van, but hadn't noticed that the sidewalk had a big ledge. The carts were top-heavy because of all the clothes hanging on top. I watched in slow-motion as one of the wheels went over the edge and the cart (and all of the clean, hanging, and folded clothes) went crashing into the oil slick of the parking spot next to mine. I couldn't move fast enough to stop it...just like a bad dream.

I can't remember ever losing my temper with one of my children in public. Until today. I can't even remember exactly what I said. I'm sure my body-language was worse than my words. It was something along the lines of, "AUDRA! I told you to stand next to the wall and you disobeyed me! When I ask you to do something there is a REASON and I expect you to obey me immediately! The clothes that I just SPENT FOUR HOURS WASHING AND FOLDING ARE IN A PILE IN AN OIL SLICK!!! (Volume increasing.) Do you see that? Get in your seat and buckle your seat belt immediately!!!!!!" She did.

Pre-children I may have sat down and cried at this point. Still shaking and forced myself to slowly, calmly pick up and brush off each piece of clothing and put it in the minivan. None of them had a stain on them. I don't know how. It may have been the grace of God.

Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes it's so hard it's comic; other times it's just not. My "hard" is a lot easier than a lot of people's "hard" and I understand that. Still...sometimes life is hard...but tomorrow is a new day.